Heartfelt
by MedliSage
Summary: Written for Richass week on tumblr, day 4 (prompt: confession).


It had been almost two months since their confrontation with the Little Queen on Fodra, and that was also the last time Asbel had last seen Richard. It had been a long two months, a stretch of time that made Asbel wonder sometimes: would things always be like this? After they had confronted Richard and Lambda at the Lastalia, it had been similar to this, too - they had barely seen each other for months, and when they finally got to see each other again for an extended period of time, it was just because they had the monsters and Little Queen to deal with.

It was natural, Asbel supposed. Richard was the king, and Asbel had his own things to deal with as Lord of Lhant, as well. Still, he found himself longing for time with Richard, time to talk and just… be in his presence. In a way, it was hard to feel like it wasn't simply the world working against Asbel. He got to see plenty of his other friends - Sophie and Cheria lived with him, and as the border land of Fendel and Windor, he was seeing a lot of Malik lately. Hubert was still working as an ambassador as well and Asbel saw much of him, too, and he and Pascal seemed rather… glued to each other, as of late.

So it was really only Richard that Asbel had not seen. Or heard from. He had heard from his vassals that Richard was often still leading monster expeditions - though the Nova monsters were becoming quite scarce, they were still around, and when Richard wasn't doing that, he was often in Stratha or Fendel, still trying to best make amends for the past.

Surely, Asbel thought, things would die down after a while. Richard would become less busy, and then they would get to see each other more.

On a particularly uneventful day - or rather, on a day that Asbel should have been sorting through some paperwork but was instead pushing it back another day, Asbel took a blank piece of parchment from his desk drawer and began writing a letter.

_Richard,_

_I hope things have been well. I haven't gotten to see you lately - you must be pretty busy. I wish I could say something interesting was happening here, but things are the same as always, which is probably good. I don't know what your schedule is like besides hectic, but would it be alright if I dropped by sometime? I'd just come back the next time I have the chance, but from what I hear you're out a lot. Sophie misses you too._

_Your friend,_

_Asbel_

Yeah. That was good. Just a simple word of thought. Not too much, not too little. Enough to show that he cared without sounding weird. Asbel shook his head. Why was he fretting over this?

He rolled up the parchment and made his way out of the study, intending to give the letter to Frederick, who Asbel suspected was in the front garden. He took a deep sigh. What if the letter only served to add to Richard's shoulders? Would he be worried? He already must have too much to deal with. He probably didn't have time to read a letter from Asbel, let alone reply. Besides, everything was fine, surely. Richard was just busy. Right. Too busy. Too busy for Asbel anymore. For now.

"Asbel," came a voice from the top of the stairs behind him as he approached the door.

"Sophie," he said, turning to face her. "What's up?"

"Where are you going?"

"I had to write a letter. I'm going to go give it to Frederick so he can send it off."

"Who's it for?" She asked, walking down the stairs.

"Richard."

Sophie nodded once, stopping a couple feet away from Asbel. "I miss Richard."

"Yeah." Asbel couldn't help another, smaller, sigh. "Me too."

"Is something wrong?" She looked up at him, head tilted a bit to one side.

Asbel shook his head. "No, I'm just tired, I think."

Sophie took another step forward, eyes peering up to Asbel in a mix of curiosity and slight worry. "What's the letter about?"

"Basically just asking him how things are." He then gave a short, somewhat weak laugh. "What's with all the questions, Sophie?"

Sophie looked down, musing to herself, then back up to Asbel. "You just… looked kind of sad. The face you were making… looked kind of familiar, too."

"Familiar?" Asbel asked, confused. "Familiar how?"

Sophie was quiet for a few seconds, looking up, thinking to herself. "Oh," she said, putting it together and looking back at him. "you looked like Cheria. You looked like Cheria whenever she sees you leave, or go into your study and then don't come out until late."

* * *

It was a week and a half later, again on a particularly uneventful day, when Asbel woke earlier than usual. The sun was in the sky but just barely enough for it to be called blue, and the manor was quiet. Asbel slipped himself out of bed, changed into his regular attire, and in just a few minutes was out the door.

He had told everyone the night before he had intended to leave for Barona the following morning, even though he had yet to receive any word from Richard. This made Sophie a bit unhappy, as this was the day she had promised to meet up with Hubert and Pascal since they hadn't seen each other lately. Asbel assured her that he would tell Richard she wanted to see him, and besides, there was no guarantee Asbel would see him today anyway.

The trip to Barona seemed longer than usual, and perhaps because it was his first time traveling without companions in so long, but Asbel found his mind slipping further and further into worry. What if he caught Richard just as he was leaving? What if he made Richard feel bad for not sending a reply? It struck Asbel as he was on the boat that he had no idea, really, what he was going to even say to Richard if he saw him. He hadn't put any thought into it beyond the longing to see his friend, to hear his voice and spend time with him; it had completely driven him to this point, and while Asbel never tended to think far too much ahead, this was even a little ridiculous for him. And what was more ridiculous still was that he was worrying over it so much. He had never had any difficulties seeing or talking to Richard in the past, so why now? Why did he feel nervous, feel so nervous about what Richard's feelings towards him would be?

After what felt like an eternity, Asbel was finally approaching the castle gates. His heart felt as though it was going a bit fast, felt like it was hitting the inside of his chest with an increasing intensity every step he took.

"State your name and purpose," a guard said at the entrance, snapping Asbel out of his thoughts.

"My name is Asbel Lhant. I'm a friend of King Richard and wish to see him."

"Ah, Asbel Lhant, of course. You're free to enter and stay as long as you please. However, the king is not present at the moment. I was informed he left earlier this morning and I am unsure when he will be back. My apologies."

"I see," Asbel said, fighting hard to hold back a deep sigh. "Thank you."

And he turned around and left, steps heavier, heart slowing down and feeling distinctly heavier. Of course, it had been a waste. Which he should have expected. Now he found himself at a bit of a loss. There must be something he could do in the city so that the trip would not be a total waste. Or perhaps it was the small glimmer of hope that Richard was somewhere in the city that caused Asbel to roam it a bit, eventually finding himself heading down North Barona Road. It had been quite some time since he had seen this area - in fact, the last was probably almost a year ago now, when he stopped with Malik on the way back from his first field mission in Orlen Woods. But there was a time that Asbel remembered much more distinctly; the first time he had been here, when he was a kid, when Richard had shown him the hill where the green, grassy, vibrant fields of Windor stretched as far as the eye could see. Richard had said back then that he went there often, or at least as often as he could. Did he still, Asbel wondered? Probably not. He probably didn't have the time. He wondered if Richard even remembered that time as clearly as he did.

Asbel ascended the small slope, the familiar Windor breeze cool and refreshing against his skin. As he came over the top and the horizon came into view, something stood out to him far clearer: the single figure sitting at the edge, the one that Asbel took no time to recognize. His heart skipped a beat.

"Richard!" He called, nearly running over.

Richard's head turned around so swiftly that the other side of his hair almost hit him in the face. "Asbel," he said, standing up as the other stood next to him. "What are you doing here?"

"I… well, actually…." Asbel's eyes darted away - the reality that he had no plans of what to say to Richard on the slim chance he saw him had fast caught up with him. "I… wanted to see if you were around. I went to the castle, and they said you had left. I… just kind of came here on a whim."

"I see," Richard said, gaze casting off to the distant hills and fields. And then he was quiet.

Asbel looked over at him, trying to ignore how the atmosphere seemed somehow heavier. "I… figured after I sent it that you probably didn't have time to respond or maybe even read the letter I sent you." He paused, awkwardly, trying to read Richard's uncharacteristically stoic face.

"I'm sorry about that." Richard's eyes moved a bit lower, still away from Asbel. "I did have time to read it. Things have been well. Nova monsters are becoming less and less, and debts are slowly but surely being paid back."

"I'm glad." There was another pause, and Asbel fumbled with the hilt of his sword. He could never recall a time when talking to Richard was… difficult. It had always come with such ease and so naturally that perhaps it was one of the reasons Asbel enjoyed it so much. But now, things seemed heavy, awkward. "I… Sophie and I miss you. She talks about wanting to see you a lot. I would have brought her here today, but she already had plans with Hubert and Pascal, and honestly I didn't think I would get to catch you."

For a moment Richard said nothing, and all that was heard was the soft sound of the wind in the air. He then turned around, facing the descent of the hill. "Well, you've come all this way. Would you like to go to the castle and have some tea?"

Asbel was about to respond when Richard took a step forward, but instead of bringing his other leg into the pace, he nearly fell completely forward, just barely putting his hands in front of himself in time.

"Richard!" Asbel said, immediately at his side, falling to one knee to as to be at his height as he placed a hand on Richard's back. "Are you all right? What's wrong?"

"I'm sorry," Richard replied, bringing one hand to his head. "I… feel a bit light-headed. There's no need to worry."

Asbel shook his head, putting one hand lightly over Richard's forehead. "No, you feel warm. Come on." He slid his arm from Richard's back under his arm, helping to lift him onto his feet.

"I'm really alright," Richard said, his somewhat flushed face telling a different story. "If anything, I probably just need to rest for a few minutes."

"Well, I'm coming back with you to the castle either way. Come on, at least lean on me a little."

And so began their near-silent trip back to Barona castle. Thankfully, no questions were asked as they walked in together, making a beeline for Richard's bedroom. Once there, Asbel finally took his arm away from Richard as he sat down on the bed.

"Are you sure you're feeling okay?" Asbel asked.

Richard nodded. "I'm sure. You worry far too much, Asbel."

Asbel took a step closer, leaning down a bit and putting his hand to Richard's forehead again. "Yeah, you aren't as warm. Still… it's not like you to get suddenly sick like that. Have you been getting enough rest?"

There was a small silence, until Richard leaned back a bit and Asbel finally took his hand away from his head. "That's what the doctor told me the other day," he said eventually, voice a bit quiet. "To rest more."

Asbel nodded. "I think you should do that. I can come back tomorrow. Or whenever you're free -"

Richard shook his head. "I don't have time."

"Huh?"

"I don't have time to be resting," Richard said, yet to make eye contact with Asbel. "There are negotiations still to be made, and monsters that I am responsible for still need to be slain."

"Richard -"

"I tried to rest some today," Richard continued without pause, "that's why I went to the hill. But I could only think of you, and then there you were. I have had time to reply to your letter, I just…" he shook his head, voice trailing off.

"Richard," Asbel said, sitting next to him. It was strange to see Richard like this, so completely out of sorts, almost overwhelmed, even. "It's not your fault. You're being too harsh on yourself. And you don't have to shoulder this all yourself. You have all of us. And…" Asbel looked away, down at his lap. "You have me. Even if I'm the Lord of Lhant… I'll always consider myself your knight… your sword. And more importantly… your friend."

Richard's hands curled into loose fists on his thighs. "I can't rely on you anymore," he said quietly.

Asbel looked over at him, barely able to see his eyes past his still somewhat windswept hair. "But that's what friends are for. I relied on you… you gave me a place when I had nowhere. And you've been my best friend for so long."

"I'm sorry," Richard said hurriedly. "Speaking with you only serves to further press on these… feelings." He paused, a look in his eyes as if he were betrayed by his own words, while Asbel tried to make sense of it all.

"Richard, what… what are you saying? You've been acting so strange. This whole time you've been so distant. You're never like this with me." It hurt, having Richard hold him at arm's length, obviously avoiding certain subjects, treating Asbel almost as if he were some stranger. But what hurt more was seeing Richard suffer. "You can tell me what's on your mind. I want to help you, Richard."

Richard stood quickly, and shook his head once. "It doesn't matter. It's too late, now. We're no longer children. Even if you felt the same… I am the king and you are the Lord of Lhant."

Asbel was on his feet just as fast, and placed a hand on Richard's shoulder. "Richard, that doesn't matter! I meant what I said. No matter what our positions, no matter how our lives may change… you're always going to be…" Asbel felt a heat rush to his face, his eyes darting to the ground - Richard was always going to be what? Suddenly, he wasn't too sure of how that sentence was going to end. Best friend wasn't right. That didn't feel right. No, Richard was -

"Asbel," Richard said quietly, and Asbel was snapped out of his reverie, eyes turning back up towards Richard. And then Richard leaned forward, pressing his lips softly against Asbel's. Asbel froze, purely out of shock, his mind freezing and having no time to react before Richard had pulled back, a few inches away from Asbel's face. "I've wanted to do that since we were kids," he nearly murmured, drawing Asbel's attention away from his half-lidded eyes to his lips. "I'm sorry. Do you see what I mean, now?"

"Richard…" Asbel shook his head. "No,_ I'm _sorry, Richard. You were suffering, and again, I… I didn't realize." His heart was racing; suddenly Richard felt closer than ever, his lips mere inches away from Asbel's and his heart somehow closer, and Asbel wanted to touch his lips as gently as Richard as touched his - and Asbel wanted to touch his heart with an even gentler touch, a touch that wouldn't hurt Richard at all, but bring him closer, as close as he could get. Asbel's mind started to spin, his feelings falling into place as his lips started to feel cool in the absence of Richard's against them, as he started to long for something he had just had only seconds ago. "I didn't understand even my own feelings, and I couldn't understand yours. I'm sorry." He took a half-step forward, placing his other hand on Richard's hip. "But I get it now. And I think…" Asbel looked down for a moment, and then back up to the other, speaking in almost inaudible tone. "I've felt this way since we were kids, too."

"Asbel," Richard said, nearly choking on Asbel's name as he looked at him, having only a moment before Asbel closed the distance between them again, lips pressing against Richard's gently, but firmly. Richard's hands quickly ran up Asbel's back, holding him close. Asbel pushed into the kiss a bit harder, bringing his arms around Richard's waist to pull him nearer. He felt Richard's mouth open against his, and Asbel wasted no time sliding his tongue inside, his mind and thoughts completely replaced by how soft and how warm Richard was, how very_ warm_ -

"You're warm," Asbel said, pulling just a bit away from Richard. "I mean," he added, feeling another kind of heat in his face, "you still feel warm. You should lay down."

For a moment Richard said nothing, looking at Asbel with eyes that were something a simple desire for more, beyond attraction, beyond the friendship that they had. Asbel gave him a soft, small smile, before gently nudging him toward the bed. With a bit of reluctance Richard complied, and sat down with a small sigh. "I fear I'm not the best company today. I apologize."

Asbel shook his head, kneeling on the floor in front of Richard. As Richard gave him a somewhat perplexed look, Asbel smiled at him once again. "You're always the best company, Richard. It's…" he looked down, feeling a heat rise to his face. "It's why I miss you so much." He then raised his hands and began to undo the buckles of one of Richard's boots.

Richard nearly jerked his leg back. "Asbel -"

"Come on. You don't feel well." He paused, slowly running one of his hands from the bottom of Richard's thigh and down to his now exposed calf, with a touch that was both yearning and almost cautious, as if trying to hold himself back.

Richard fell quiet, save for a murmur of Asbel's name, and brought his hand to softly rest on Asbel's shoulder, giving it a little squeeze as Asbel finished removing his boots and stood up.

"Rest," Asbel said. "I'll make sure there's some warm tea waiting for you when you wake up."

"Stay." It was only after the few silent seconds following his request that Richard looked up at Asbel, his face almost solemn.

Again, Asbel smiled at him, before sitting down at his side. "Well, we do have a lot to talk about."

"Such as?" Richard asked, eyeing him curiously.

"Like the next time you're free for me to visit. Or the next time you're leaving, so I can accompany you."

"Asbel…"

"Like I said, Richard. It doesn't matter… and especially now since…" He looked down, his face a bit hot. "You know how I feel… and I know how you feel. We will be together… no matter what."

Finally, Richard smiled back at him, warm, sincere, something special that made Asbel's heart jump over ten beats. "Thank you, Asbel." He then leaned back, falling back onto the bed. Asbel looked over at him, at how his bangs fell cutely over his eyes before he brushed them out of the way, and he smiled again at him before lying down next to him.

"Rest," Asbel said quietly as they turned to face each other. "I'm tired, too."

After a few moments and without a word, Richard scooted himself a bit closer, and Asbel gently draped an arm over him. Even though the only sounds were their quiet breaths and even quieter heartbeats, Asbel was still unable to hear whatever it was that Richard murmured under his breath. Perhaps it was Asbel's heart that heard it, because it still made him feel like he was melting, it still made him press his lips softly to Richard's forehead just before the tide of sleep swept them both over.

* * *

A/N oops this was originally going to be a porno but then i got to the part that was gonna be porn and it didnt... feel... right so it just kind of ends and now its really awkward but. oh well uh yeah. thanks goes to my bestie yara for proofreading it for me, i love you!


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